New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
