Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
