i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
