Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Farmville is her only friend.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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