This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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