Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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