Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
