dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
