they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
