I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
