rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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