Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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