so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
vagina is talking i cant
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
