I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
