either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you inspire me to be a worse person
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
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God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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