is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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