"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
