isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
