Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
