i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
