i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
