my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
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That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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