I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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