o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
