R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
