I'm going to jail i love you
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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