so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
