just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
