Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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