Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
