so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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