I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
