remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
