i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
