Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just want to make out with him forever
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
