I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
