what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
