im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
