Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
