I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
