I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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