Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
