Can i not drive my cunt home
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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