I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
