Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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