i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We just shotgunned beers for America
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
