my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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