I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
