All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
