so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
