Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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