if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
