Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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