I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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