Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
And then he peed in my hair
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