I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
