Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
