How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You were trust falling into bushes
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
