i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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