Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
