I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
