Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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