I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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