R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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