ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Randomize
