Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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