You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
