So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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