you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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