butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
