So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
only if we run a train.
done.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
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He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
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It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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