I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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