the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
