hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
