you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
