is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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