Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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