hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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