While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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